Victoria Matthews-Patel, Trauma-Informed Coach for Neurodivergent Women
Hello and welcome to With Compassion.
I am Victoria Matthews-Patel,
a Trauma-Informed Coach and Circles Facilitator, supporting neurodivergent women to make sense of themselves and of relationships.
DO YOU OFTEN FEEL -
- Chronically misunderstood by others; that no-one gets you or understands how you feel
- Like you struggle around people and don't know how to "do" relationships
- Frustrated, sad, hurt, unseen, unheard and invalidated within your close relationships (family, friends and love partners)
- Lonely in your close relationships
- Confused about how you are treated within close relationships and often find yourself wondering if the relationships are healthy
​I CAN SUPPORT YOU TO -
- Get to know yourself, your wants, needs and values and be able to advocate for yourself
- Navigate the complexity of personal relationships, be they friendships, family or love relationships​​​
- Navigate painful situations such as the ending of a friendship, separation, divorce, dealing with dysfunction within your family, going no contact or estranging from family
- Learn about emotionally healthy and emotionally safe relationships, and how you deserve to be treated
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You deserve to be seen, heard, understood and acknowledged for the wonderful human you are.
You deserve to have a voice and to have your needs met.
You deserve to live and experience life in a way that works for you.
You deserve relationships in which you can be yourself and thrive.
You deserve healthy, supportive, safe, mutual and fulfilling relationships.
You deserve unconditional care, love and support.
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Our childhood has a huge impact on how we show up in adulthood and in relationships.
Our behaviour patterns, coping strategies, and beliefs about ourselves come from our early experiences of attachment with our caregivers.
If we are not seen and validated by our caregivers, if our needs, our sensitivity and our depth are not tolerated, and if our nervous systems are not soothed when we are upset and overwhelmed, we begin to hide our feelings, to not talk about what is going on, and to see ourselves as bad and deficient.
We adapt who we are to get what we want, need and deserve.
Maybe we never saw an emotionally healthy relationship growing up.
Maybe we don't know what a healthy relationship is.
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Our neurodivergence brings additional complexity to relationships.
Our specific needs, our discomfort at being around people, our low self-worth, our lack of trust in our own judgement, our desire to belong and our anxiety around knowing what is acceptable and what is abusive can make us vulnerable to mis-treatment.
Doing whatever we can to get love, approval and a sense of belonging, comes at a huge personal cost to ourselves.
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Many autistic and Audhd women, who grew up dismissing their needs and changing who they were to fit in and to survive in a neurotypical world, have experienced controlling, bullying, abusive, or trauma inducing behaviours in their close relationships.
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A huge part of our neurodivergent self-discovery is to look at our close relationships, to reflect on their impact on us, and to discover what healthy relationships look and feel like.
You deserve healthy and fulfilling relationships.
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Let's do the discovery and healing work together.
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At With Compassion Coaching we fully acknowledge the impact your past has had on you, but our focus is on exploring the here and now and how you are showing up in the world and in your relationships.
It's about learning about you and exploring your wants, needs and values so you have a solid sense of who you are and your worth.
It's about becoming mindful of the behaviours you may have taken on as a result of your early relational experiences, for example, people pleasing, codependency, black and white thinking, perfectionism, and masking.
It's about exploring the limiting beliefs you have about yourself, your worth and your ability because of things that have been said to you or how you have been made to feel.
It's about learning about emotional safety and your nervous system, and discovering what you need to feel safe in different relationships and environments.
It's about learning about attachment styles and what a healthy relationship looks and feels like.
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WHY WORK WITH ME?
As well as being a coach, I am a trauma survivor and thriver.
I am neurodivergent (Audhd), self-diagnosed at the age of 51.​
I get that feeling of trying to work yourself out.
Of feeling different and that you have to change yourself to try to fit, to get some sense of belonging, to get the acceptance, support and love you crave and deserve.
Of feeling deficient.
Of having to work hard to get care, support and love from your close relationships.
Of not feeling able to be yourself around others, including in close relationships.
Of not feeling understood and supported in close relationships.
Of living with mistreatment, bullying and controlling behaviour but feeling confused about it.
Of tolerating things that are not okay.
Of denying your own wants and needs, or maybe not knowing what your needs are due to the level of masking and trauma you have experienced.
PODCAST APPEARANCES
SUMMIT APPEARANCES
