Victoria Matthews-Patel
WHAT IS COACHING "WITH COMPASSION"?
At With Compassion, we work together as two equal human beings.
I am an understanding, accepting, passionate and genuine coach that puts you at the heart of everything.
The you who got messages that she wasn't enough, or was too much.
The you who doesn't like herself very much.
The you who thinks she is not enough. That she has never been enough.
The you who thinks she is the problem.
The you who has always thought she is the problem.
The you who thinks that if she works harder, gives more of herself and does more, she will be worthy of love.
The you who puts herself last.
The you who feels depleted.
Our sessions will be gentle, caring and warm, with some Mind-Body techniques to get you out of your overthinking head.
Through compassionate listening, no judgement and support, we will discover the real you and your true worth and value.
The first coaching session is an exploration in which I will find out how life is for you at the moment, and understand things from your perspective.
As your coach I will be your cheerleader, your guide and your accountability partner.
I will believe in you, support you and nurture you.
I will shine a light on you and see you as the unique individual that you are.
I will walk alongside you as you change behaviours that no longer serve you and begin to see your self-worth and your value.
We will approach everything at a pace that you are comfortable with and with absolute compassion.
HOW DO WE LOSE OUR SENSE OF SELF AND SELF-WORTH?
How people in our lives treated us, and made us feel, and difficult life events affect our sense of self and our self-worth. These can include a challenging relationship with family, separation and estrangement from family, a feeling of not fitting in or belonging, difficult close relationships, separation or divorce, how we feel during the peri-menopause and menopause, a diagnosis of neurodivergence (formal or self-diagnosis), serious illness, along with other *traumas we have experienced.We take on behaviours and roles to help us cope with life. We become the "good girl", the people pleaser, the perfectionist, the highly independent woman.These behaviours are focused on getting our worth, love and feelings of acceptance from others, further moving us away from ourselves.
WHAT IS A TRAUMA?
You will hear me refer to trauma so I want you to have a definition to refer to. A trauma is a distressing event where you feel scared, unsafe, rejected, humiliate, invalidated, unsupported, powerless or ashamed, and how you are affected by it.
Trauma is personal and traumatic events can cause long-lasting harm to your health, thought processes and behaviours. The effects can happen quickly or a long time afterwards. Lack of emotional attachment in childhood is trauma. It’s about what happened as well as what was lacking.
WHAT IS A TRAUMA-AWARE COACH?
A trauma-aware coach holds an awareness and understanding of what trauma is, where it comes from, how it manifests and the impact it has on the way we experience life and relationships.
If you require skills or practices beyond knowledge and awareness I would urge you to consult a trauma-informed professional.
There is a lot of talk on social media, within coaching and in self-help books about mindset, and changing your mindset.
MY COACHING IS NOT ABOUT CHANGING YOUR MINDSET.
WHY?
I echo the words of psychotherapist, Lou Lebentz, of The Voyage Academy who says –
“Purely mindset, motivational or cognitive-only coaching doesn’t tend to work well with trauma, certainly not in the long term. In fact, it can actually make clients feel worse especially when they’re struggling to shift their behaviour or their thinking. If someone has trauma, the feeling of failure from not being able to change “their mind” will additionally compound the shame that is already so prevalent within them.”
Your behaviours, ways of thinking and your sense of self come from your past. What happened to you, things that were said to you, their impact on you, and also things that were lacking.
You didn’t choose your behaviours and your ways of thinking. But they can be understood, and they can be changed.
It takes gentle work, care and compassion. It takes a trauma-aware approach.
WHAT ARE THE PAYMENT AND REFUND TERMS AND CONDITIONS FOR 1-2-1 COACHING?
See the coaching page for fees and read the terms and conditions for detailed information.
Fees are payable at the point of booking (first session) or 48 hrs in advance (subsequent sessions) via BACS transfer to confirm the session.
Refunds: Coaching
If I have to cancel a session that you have already paid for, due to illness or an unexpected event, and we are both unable to arrange an alternative suitable time/date, then you will receive a full refund of your session fee.